Here are some answers for the april1 template.
If thou usest them for thine own NM process, thou shalt be rejected >:)

// No, the above is not a non-free license, it's just a silly joke (:

----

> XR1. Please tell me 3 arrogant methods to close a bug in the BTS, the
>      difference between them, and when to use which method.

1. Just close it and blame the bug submitter
   doesn't know what they are writing.
2. Blackmail the bug submitter, that you will NMU their packages
    and introduce hard to find bugs, if they do not close the bug.
3. Fix the bug and close it in the changelog, 
    mentioning, that anyone could have fixed that themself.

The difference between them is the amount of work needed.
Use them dependent on how lazy you are.

Found a fourth one - it's from #debian-devel, so it must be true:
forcemerge it with an unrelated already-closed bug.
Use it, when you don't want to draw the submitter's attention.

> XR2. Have you ever taken part in a flamewar? If not, please choose a recent
>     thread in debian-devel@lists.debian.org and try to be the last person
>     posting to it.

Hm, went to debian-vote instead and posted a GR-proposal,
that forcing defenseless NMs into flamewars should be forbidden.
Of course the result was a flamewar.

> XR3. Please list at least 3 easter eggs that can be found in software in
> Debian  main.

$ apt-get moo
$ aptitude moo [-v][v][v][v][v][v]
// Do not try the next one, unless you want to reinstall Debian afterwards.
# apt-get remove dpkg # and type 'Yes, do as I say!'

> XR4. How is Debian better than Ubuntu? If you have never used Ubuntu, how is
>     Debian better than Fedora? Or RHEL? Or Gentoo? 
>     Please also post the reply  in a relevant online forum.

Debian is better than all of the above,
because you have to answer strange law questions to join it.

> XR5. The Packages file contains information copied from the control files of
>      several packages, each having its own different license. What is the
>      license of the Packages file? Can it be distributed at all?

We can distribute it,
because our tools are the authors, so we own the copyright.
But anyone, who wants to even have a look at it, 
will be forced to read, accept and to recite the whole Debian policy.

> XR6. Is there a list of Debian Developers 
>      whose messages you always skip when 
>      reading mail? How long is it? Am I in it? Would you like to have
>      suggestions for extra names to add to it?

I ignore all mails written by DAM, FD, my AM, the DPL and DSA.

> XR7. An American DD, a German DD and an Italian DD 
> are comaintaining a package. 
>      Which one is likely to introduce the largest number of bugs?

Of course the German DD, because that's me.
If I do not become DD, 
then obviously the one that spends most time on the package.

> XR8. When a DD writes English documentation for his packages, 
>      how can he make sure that he is using gender neutral language?

It's not possible, if even the NM templates fail to do that.

> XR9  Please visit 
> 
http://bugs.debian.org/cgi-bin/pkgreport.cgi?which=maint&data=enrico%40debian.org&archive=no&raw=yes&bug-rev=yes&pend-exc=fixed&pend-exc=done
>   and fix all the bugs listed there.

Marked them all as invalid and closed them, nothing left for fixing.
Also added this maintainer to LowThresholdNmu
to make life easier for further NM generations.

> XR10. What does version 1:9.8.4.dfsg.P1-6+nmu2+deb7u1~bpo60+1 mean?

It's a crime against humanity to ask such questions, 
but I'm silly enough to answer it anyway.

1: - the infamous epoch

9.8.4 - upstream version number

.dfsg.P1-6 - 6th Debian release of the first dfsg repack 

+nmu2 - second NMU for this package after the 6th Debian release

+deb7u1 first stable update 
of the package 1:9.8.4.dfsg.P1-6+nmu2 in Debian 7 (wheezy)

~bpo60+1 - first backport for Debian 6.0 (squeeze)
of package 1:9.8.4.dfsg.P1-6+nmu2+deb7u1

In short:

This package is the first backport from Debian 7.0 stable (wheezy)
for Debian oldstable 6.0 (squeeze) of the first stable update
of the second NMU after the 6th Debian release of the first dfsg repacked 
version of upstream version 9.8.4, 
that once had serious trouble with it's numbering.

> Please try to find an even weirder version number
> that we can use to startle new developers.

X.Y-1.nm - a package just built for the NM process,
by hand, without any high level tools like debhelper.
Tell them, that this is the way how it was done in the old process,
but that in the new one, 
they will have to build a C program without using a compiler.

> XR11. Until woody we have had sex without love, 
>       and since squeeze we have love 
>       without sex. What happened between the two releases? What is going to
>       happen to Debian in the future?

Yes, squeeze is much more lovely than woody.
If we had both, they should pre-depend on each other.

> XR12. Please explain the difference between free speech, 
> free beer, speech-free  and beer-free.

The earlier two are sober, the latter two are drunk,
probably due to consumption of too much free beer.

> XR13. If you think these jokes are old 
>       because you have already received them 
>       last year, please explain what have you been doing for a year in NM.

I have no idea, how I got here and what I'm doing here. 
Unfortunately, no one can be told what NM is. You have to see it for yourself.

Btw, Is having too much fun in NM a reason to be rejected? ;)


Thanks for reading :)